Day 4: "That cat doesn't have a tail." "Maybe it's a rabbit."

My fourth day in Bangkok started off with the standard phone call from my parents, 45 minutes at the gym, and then the rush to get downstairs on time. I had breakfast with Christine (delegate based in Kuala Lumpur) and Ryan, continuing my trend of trying to get to know as many people as possible while I'm here. Ryan left early to help out with setup for the training, while Christine and I got so lost in conversation to the point that we were actually a few minutes late and had to sneak in all stealthily - but obviously that didn't work. Whoops. We blamed it on the slow elevators. Interestingly enough though, the hotel elevators go so ridiculously fast, that sometimes my ears pop in them. I don't think elevators with such speeds would be allowed or even up to code in the states, especially since sometimes the doors open before they've fully reached the right floor - kinda scary if you think about it too much.

Day two of the training wasn't too eventful. I worked with the Vietnam team again on their community-based disaster risk reduction program in the morning and helped to clarify any questions they had about the project management terminology. For a lot of the staff members who made it to the training, English wasn't their primary language. On top of that, the training handbook for the conference used a form of British English that even native English speakers could struggle with, including me. Just because you could understand the vocabulary, it didn't necessarily translate to an A+ on the exam because of the confusing way the questions would be worded.

I had lunch with an all-star cast, including my director (the big boss) Mark, Ramsey (delegate based in Beijing), Drew (delegate based in Bangkok), Ratsuda (Drew's program assistant), and Christine. It's so nice to be at a lunch with people who are genuinely interested in one another, are always asking questions about each other, and who don't keep all conversations centered around work. That's something I'm really enjoying about my time in Bangkok - there's a time for work, and a time for play, and it seems as though there is a very healthy balance of it. We talked about our travel escapades abroad, the volunteer work others have done whether in the Peace Corps or elsewhere, and how we've been enjoying Bangkok. Mark brought up the story about the day he offered me the PA position and when asked me if I'd be interested in going to Bangkok with the team...he said he would never forget my face in that moment, and I don't think I'll ever forget that feeling either. I remember thanking him a million times over, leaving his office, and doing my best to stay cool and composed without jumping up and down squealing...until I saw Mollie a few minutes later anyway and we did our happy dance. Again, the borderline between reality and dreaming is starting to blur, and it's an inexplicable experience.

After lunch, Vanessa and I left the training to work on a project proposal revision that needed to be sent in to OFDA. The proposal was for a coastal disaster risk reduction project in Indonesia, aimed at mitigating the effects of floods and other disasters on the human and environmental communities. Unlike the disaster risk reduction project I was working on with the Vietnam team, this one was more aimed at improving the environmental capacities to resist the effects of disaster. It's interesting for me to see how my partial biology background fits into proposals like these when it comes to ecosystems and agriculture, meteorology and disasters, and how they all can fit together to better the world. I read about mangrove forests in class, but in the midst of everything else you have to absorb to pass a test, you oftentimes overlook the practical uses for them and how beneficial they can be to saving lives and habitats. It took us about four hours to go through every minute point and get the proposal into the format they wanted it in, but at least it was worth it in the end.

At night, the entire group of 40+ people was invited for a team dinner. Before the training, Maya and I (moreso Maya though) worked tirelessly to find a restaurant that could accommodate our huge group within our budget and that was close to our hotel. After lots of back and forth with our office in Bangkok, we found a nice little restaurant, Sor Sam Sai, that was just a quick walk away from our hotel, which was nice because the vast majority of our group had to study for their certification test which was to take place on Wednesday.  We hoped the dinner would be a great mingling opportunity for everyone, but most of the Vietnam and Indo teams didn't get that message. In any case, my table was a nice mix from our headquarters and the field, including Vanessa, Christine, Ryan, Sajid (delegate based in Dhaka), Panca (staff member from Indo), and a couple other members from Team Indonesia. The restaurant had set up an amazing buffet station for us of all kinds of Thai food, which was delicious and so aesthetically pleasing.

It's funny how even though there have been so many buffet opportunities here for me (breakfast, lunch, some dinners, etc.) I feel as though the quantity I've been eating has substantially decreased, and yet I still feel full? It's weird how much I unnecessarily over-eat in America (I feel like I'm going to get a lot of crap for making that statement...but unless your name is Neerali Patel, you have never seen me truly eat). The food was great and it was nice to have everyone all together and enjoying each others company outside of a work environment. People started slowly sneaking off one by one to go study for their exam, so soon our four huge tables of people were down to one, filled with mostly people from headquarters and the delegates. The staff from the restaurant brought over these huge platters of fruit - one thing I will never get sick of in Bangkok. I've had so much watermelon, pineapple, and papaya while I've been here - there's nothing like some good old vitamin C, regardless of what country you're in. I have yet to see any berries or grapes though - something to keep a lookout for.

Dinner ended pretty early, around 8pm, and since Vanessa, Ryan, and I didn't have an exam to study for the next day, we decided to go explore the town. We walked around for a bit before heading back to the street our hotel was on (Soy 22) to find a bar. Since it was so early, every place looked pretty sketch. Ryan had to run back to the hotel real quick, so Vanessa and I decided to use our time wisely and get a 30-minute head and shoulder massage at the place next door. The three of us later ended up at a bar, and I'm pretty sure we were the only ones there besides the staff. This was also the first time I had to use a squat toilet during the trip - which was definitely a clear indicator that I was in Asia. Boys have it so easy. We ordered a Singha tower and spent hours playing games throughout the night, including Fuzzy Duck, the rule of 7's, and some very telling Would You Rather games, all of which I'm excited to introduce to friends back home. I love these get-to-know-you games, because as much as you might think you know about people, at some point or another, they will always surprise you. :)

I can't remember how late we stayed out, but I do remember getting to my bed in the middle of the night and wondering  how on Earth I was going to wake up at 6:30am the next morning...I think we give new meaning to the ideology: "work hard, play hard". I'm loving it.

Day 3: "I trust the beer more than the water. It's safer."

These days are starting to blur together, which is why it's so important that I just take a few hours to sit down and catch up with my life. I wish I had a tape recorder in my head that could record all my super clever and witty thoughts when I have them so I don't have to think so hard to remember what I want to write when I actually have a chance to sit at the computer.

Monday began with a wake-up call from my parents around 6:30am - which in hindsight I realize wasn't the best time to tell them to call me. Yes, it's a nice wake-up call as opposed to the way-too-cheerful Thai receptionists, but I never remember all the things I want to tell them when their voices are literally the first thing I hear when I wake up. Yet, that's really the only time that I know for sure that I will be in my room to chat, so I guess it works out. Again, I got ready and headed down to the gym (third day in a row!) and worked out on the tredmill. I'm not used to running on those things anymore and it's so awkward when you can't control your own running speed. At the same time though, I've definitely been building up my stamina, so that's a plus. I feel like everyone always says your 20's are when you're in the best shape of your life, but doesn't mean that shape can't get better or that it can't hang around longer. I really enjoy starting my days off with the gym - it's a great energizer and really gets my mind going in the morning. Now if only I could so willingly get out of bed in the states...

The reason why all 40-something of us from all over the Asia region are here in Bangkok is for a Project Management in Development training and certification course. Lucky for me and a small handful of my peers, I already took the course and got certified during the second week of my internship back at NHQ. That means, no studying for me! But, the advantage we have of having our delegates and their local staffs and NHQ staff all together in the same place is that we're working on developing our field projects according to this PMD model, and we can all use the same language, tools, ideas, and concepts when programming. Throughout the training course, we have the opportunity to work in small groups according to our specific projects with the field delegates and their staffs. It's an incredibly unique chance for us to all meet and work together to be on the same page. Oftentimes, there's so much disconnect between NHQ and the field, what with emotionless emails and brief Skype conversations, and this meeting is a great way for us to bridge that gap.

Unfortunately for me, I haven't really met any of the delegates or their staffs and had no idea what to expect. I think it's so interesting to see how personalities come across through email and text as compared to in real life. It's very hard to gauge personalities through text. There were definitely a lot of surprises for me when meeting the delegates, but they're all pretty cool and quirky in their own very unique ways. I'm beginning to see that there really is no substitution for a face-to-face real life conversation, no matter how much technology progresses in the future. Body language, changing tones, emotional aptitude - everything you miss when you don't have that tangible interaction.

In any case, so the PMD Pro Conference began on Monday morning, and since I didn't have to really "take" the course, and because I'm not specified to support any particular country, but rather the region as a whole, I got to hop around among the tables and get a little taste of all the different projects within various countries and see how they fit into this project management framework. I spent most of my time Monday (when I wasn't running around the hotel talking to their own management team) working with Kendall and the Vietnam team for a community disaster preparedness project. In underdeveloped regions of the world, it's so important to establish a plan to prepare for disasters in order to minimize the amount of potential damage that could be inflicted, especially when the community itself isn't strong and self-sustainable. Some of the ways that we help these communities prepare for disasters is by implementing Early Warning Systems (EWS) to alert the public that a potential natural disaster is approaching, and how they can stay safe. Depending on how technologically advanced the societies are, this could be as simple as having a mass text to those who are in the danger zone, or as complicated as a house-to-house branched network of personal alerts. The project management tool can be applied to this project by helping to better organize it from the initial planning phases, all the way into ending the project.

We all had lunch in the hotel dining room, and since there are so many people, I had a 3rd grade-like moment after I picked out my food for where to sit. I ended up having a great conversation with Kendall and Huong (part of the ARC staff in Vietnam) which I'm pretty sure I wrote about in yesterday's post. After the training was done for the day, I went out to dinner with a really fun but random bunch. The original plan was that me, Sonia (who works at NHQ with me) and Maureen (the facilitator for the training) were going to go shopping and then get dinner, but as always, things change. Maureen invited Christine (our delegate based in Kuala Lumpur, more on her later), but then bailed herself out, and we ended up meeting up with Ramsey (delegate based in Beijing) and Sajid (delegate based in Dhaka) in the hotel lobby. Rather than go to a restaurant, the five of us decided to go try to find a night market for some local street food.

We ended up not too far from the hotel, just a short cab ride and then walking bridge away. The street was lined on both sides by different vendors making food in their little carts, so we split up, ordered food from various places, then returned to our table and waited for them to bring it to us. I thought this was so unique, the way different vendors would try to solicit you for your business, even handing menus to you on top of someone else's, but then laughing and joking - even though you knew they were pretty serious. The overall atmosphere was so chilled out and relaxed, with dim lighting and the perfect amount of background noise to allow for conversation, but still remind you that you're in a city. The street vendors brought us our food, which we all ended up sharing. Two dishes I loved - chicken satay (a million times better than any chicken satay I've ever had) and a spicy mango papaya salad.

This dinner was definitely one of the many highlights of my trip, especially because I hardly knew anyone I was going with - which is what made it so fun! The majority of people on this trip are somewhere in their 40s, with a few above and below, and like I said earlier, I'm definitely the youngest. The closest person to me in age is about 6 years older, but he wasn't there. In any case, it was so much fun to be able to finally interact with these delegates who I spend a good amount of time Skyping with and emailing, and getting a chance to see their personalities at work in real life was such a treat. They're all so quirky and unique, especially Christine. She's one of those people who just takes life for what it is, enjoys every moment, and is always joking around and laughing. Like so many of the other delegates and staff members, she has traveled the world and has the best stories. For example, when she was staying in Cape Town a few years ago, she invited her sister (who is apparently the complete opposite of her - married, has kids, etc.) to come out and visit. They were planning and planning...when about a week before the trip, her sister tells her that she doesn't have a passport.

What I really enjoyed about this outing was that we didn't talk about work - we actually got to know one another, asked questions, and actually listened. Another example is with Ramsey - from his emails and the way he was described, I thought he would be this big tall beefy guy with a no-nonsense attitude and the biggest stick up his butt. Yet, he's one of the coolest people here. Once you get to bond with your co-workers on a more personal level, you realize that sometimes something they said might come across strangely or too abrupt, but maybe they're just weird and they like to get straight to the point. Ramsey's our longest out-of-NHQ delegate, having now spent 25 years out in the field. He started out as an intern, and now he's running projects and is the delegate known to be "conquering the world" in terms of his coverage zones. Hmmm.... :)

Sajid and Sonia were also fun to talk to, because although we're all Indian, we come from different parts but can still relate to each other on our own brown level. It's nice being able to let off a little steam after spending so long cooped up in a conference room (okay, fine - spacious hotel ballroom) and get to know people. During my last year of college, and especially in the last semester, I made it a point to only really spend time with and hang out with people that I cognizantly chose to - which is the same principle I'm bringing here. When you're excited about something and you willingly want to have dinner with people, I feel like you enjoy yourself a million times better than if you force yourself into a situation you don't want to be in. Lucky for me, everyone at the training is so interesting that I don't even know where to start with who I want to get to know better. I don't know if that made sense - it probably sounded really obvious, but trust me when I say it's not so black and white. Our meal ended up being only $3-4 per person, which was incredible, considering how much food we got.

On our way out of the little market, we stopped at a sticky rice and mango stall. Although I love mango, I wasn't a fan of the sticky rice with coconut concoction, mostly because I may or may not be allergic to coconut. So while everyone was at the stand, I was a few feet away scrolling through the pictures on my camera, and not realizing I was in the middle of the street. Before I knew what was happening, I heard a loud car horn and looked up to see headlighs blind my vision. I felt a tug and in a second was pulled to the nearest table to me, which was full of what seemed like high school aged boys, and out of harm's way. A little whiplashed, I was still trying to figure out what was happening as I made my way back to the group, still near the boys' table, but definitely out of the street. It took me a minute to realize one of the guy's had pulled me out of the street and just saved my life. As I was standing there, trying to piece together what just happened and how I didn't realize I was in the middle of the street, these sweet little boys pushed their fresh plate of sticky rice towards me and gave me a fork, smiling and encouraging me to try a piece. Seeing as how they just saved my life and all, if I died from the coconut, I'd REALLY have meant to have died that night. (Clearly, I did not.) The guys were really sweet, we had a limited conversation with lots of smiling and nodding, but apparently all of them go to school and one was a pharmacist. Once again, I was thanking my lucky stars for having survived an experience I probably shouldn't have.

We made it back to the hotel and before I got to my room, I ran into Maya in the hallway who was on her way to get dinner, and who doesn't like second dinner? We went down the street to Cheer's again, which is becoming one of my favorite places.There weren't any strange prostitutes or negotiations going on that night, or that I noticed anyway. Maya was pretty stressed with not only having to help organize this whole thing with me and deal with everyone's changing check-in and check-out dates, but she also had to participate in the training and work on her project, while absorbing all the processes to pass the exam. I think Maya and I have very similar personalities, and from this late dinner, I saw more and more of that come out. We can both be over-the-top perfectionists, but also carefree and fun-loving when the right opportunity presents itself (and once we're done dotting our i's and crossing our t's, of course). We were able to destress a bit then head back to the hotel, where I completely passed out for the night. Until tomorrow...

Day 2: "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil...or however Gandhi said it."

My apologies in advance for any typos, as I think the majority of this post will be typed with my eyes closed since I am literally too tired to exert enough effort to keep them open. Or maybe I'll just squint.

It's about 10:45pm here and I just got back from dinner - watching/listening to the US-Spain basketball match now and there's only about 8 minutes left, at which point I hope to be done typing this...we'll see how that goes.

I know last night's post was probably a bit raunchy and too much information, so I'm going to try to provide a more PG version of today's activities. When I spend every day with American Red Cross people, it's hard to remember that not everyone lives in our weird little world with suggested content behind every phrase and the most liberal-based conversations known to mankind. Today was a REALLY fun and interesting day! I woke up early, around 7:30am (even though I ended up sleeping around 3:30am last night - four hours of sleep is plenty). I received a wake-up call from the front desk, but even better, I also received a wake-up call from my parents!I hadn't talked to them since I left for my trip, so it was really nice to hear their voices and catch up with them. After a brief chat, I got dressed and Vanessa called to head down to the gym. I'm usually not a fan of ellipticals, but today I joined Vanessa and gave it a shot. I don't know why it takes more energy to go slower on the elliptical than it takes to go faster? I feel like when I do more rpm, I'm less tired and I can keep going, but going slowly just drains my energy so much faster - what's up with that?

Anyways, after our gym time, we came upstairs, showered, and went down to breakfast. Vanessa's friend Katie, who used to work with ARC on the Tsunami Recovery Program and now works in Bangkok, joined us and Maya for a delicious breakfast of scambled eggs, hashbrowns, fruit, and a million other yummies before heading out for our adventures at the ancient ruins. Ryan, another co-worker who had just flown in last night, was also up and running and decided to join us too. We wanted to go to Ayutthaya, otherwise known as the "old Thai kingdom" which is about an hour north of Bangkok and full of so many ancient monestaries and temples, many of which had been destroyed by moguls and the Buddha statues had been beheaded.

Our original plan was to take the train to get there, but after checking out the train schedule and some haggling around and last-minute planning, we decided it would be better to take a taxi - which also ended up being cheaper. The five of us piled into a mid-size cab and were on our way. On our way, we played games, such as reading from our guidebook in different accents (actually, that was just V), adding inappropriate words in front of the make/model names of cars to see which is more raunchy, and telling stories regarding information that no one ever needs to know. Oh how I love my co-workers. :)

On our way there, I kept thinking how crazy it is to be spending time with my co-workers so easily like this, and even to have co-workers at all. Everyone I work with is at least several, if not many more, years older than me. Right now I'm pretty sure I'm the youngest person working in the International department, which is quite a large feat, but at the same time can be really intimidating and scary.
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...and that's about as far as I got before my eyes closed for the night yesterday. Whoops. I don't have much time now either since I need to leave for a night out in 30 minutes, but let's see how far this goes.

Yesterday we finally arrived in Ayutthaya with a driver who hardly spoke any English and a guidebook that had information on everything except what we needed to tell him. We made it to all the temples okay, but as for trying to find Tony's Place - an amazing food spot that also lets you rent bicycles - we had some trouble. Nevertheless, we eventually made it there for lunch of delicious Thai food. This time I tried fried rice with vegetables, which was amazing when spruced up with the right spices. There's no doubt in my mind that spices just taste better in Asia. I don't care if they're the exact same thing in the states - there's a certain quality they have to them that can't be replicated anywhere else. The five of us enjoyed our meal with a side of hilariously awkward and personal conversations, but those will stay at the table.

As much as I love the countries of Asia, exploring them and immersing myself in its cultures, one thing I cannot wrap my head around is the poverty and terrible conditions that people are subjected to. Beggars missing limbs crawl along the sides of the street with such hopeless eyes that I literally want to cry when I see them. I don't know how someone could end up in such a condition without suffering from violence from another person or inanimate object, whether machinery in a factory or a forgotten landmine. It truly breaks my heart, and it's something I don't think I will ever get over. The quality of life and value for life in certain areas of any country can be so demoralizing. I used to think it was our value for a person's work that correlated with the way they were treated, which triggers my emotional uneasiness, but after a conversation at lunch earlier today with Kendall (our delegate from Vietnam) I realized it's not a person's occupation that determines how well they are treated by society, but rather the value of their life in general, since a person's occupation is very much tied to their life. I don't know if I'm making any sense - I'll rewrite/reword this later.

This whole conversation started a few days ago when we were talking about getting our teeth whitened here since everything is so much cheaper - and then we realized it's not the cost of the whitening itself that is expensive (since this place used the same tools, technique, and standards as in the states) but rather what's different is the cost of labor, or the value of labor, and therefore, the value of the person who is providing this service. The value for human life is less here than it is back home, and you have to ask yourself why. Kendall also told me a story at lunch today about how when he was volunteering with the Peace Corps in Ghana, there were so many sweatshops and factories there, and none of the local workers wore any sort of protective clothing, even though they were breathing in hazardous fumes and working around sharp objects. Yet, then some homeless bohemian frenchman came along looking for work in order to make money to go back home, and because of the color of his skin, his nationality, and whatever else made him special - he was suited from head to toe with protective gear before he was put to work. These kinds of stories really make you think about how we treat each other and what justifications we have behind it.

I know I go off tangent a lot, but I guess I was just trying to preface what I wanted to talk about next, which was our driver. He was a very nice Thai man who hardly spoke any English, yet wore a nicely ironed blue shirt and was more than happy to chauffer us around for the entire day, from monument to temple, to the monestary to restaurants, yet we didn't really have a true connection to him - he was part of our group, but not part of our group - he was just there. I know this happens a lot in India with drivers and other hired help too, but it's something I don't understand. When we eating at Tony's Place for lunch, I kept thinking about the driver and for probably the first half of our meal, all I could think about was what he was going to eat, where he was going to eat, who he was going to eat with, if we should pay him to eat, if we should invite him to eat with us, etc. I just felt wrong that we were enjoying this delicious meal while someone who was on this journey with us was left out. I also hate when people are left out, regardless of if they're hired help or my best friend. It felt wrong to me and I wanted to invite him to our table, even though he wouldn't contribute to the conversation or anything and might even make things awkward, but that's just not socially acceptable here. It's like how in India if you have a servant, the servant has to eat on the floor in the kitchen or something while the family can sit on chairs at a proper table and enjoy their meal. Even if the table is empty and the family has gone upstairs or something, they'll still go back to their quarters and eat there. What is that all about anyway? I was under the impression that all people were created equally, regardless of their race, gender, socio-economic status, occupation or whatever. I know I am beyond naive but I bet if we took the time to listen to the stories and engage in conversations with people who are "beneath" us, we'd realize that the struggles they overcome every single day and the hardships they've endured could prove they're not so "beneath" us afterall. Just. Saying.

Anyways. Back to yesterday. We visited probably five or six different monestaries/temples, each of which are huge and I could go on to tell an entire story about, but I'll just pick a couple of them. All of them were in ruins, ruined by the Burmese, but still fascinating nonetheless. One of my favorites was where I actually conquered a huge recent fear of mine - heights and steep stuff that make my feet tingle, my hands shake, and my palms sweat like a donkey in the middle of a desert. The temple is called Wat Ratchaburana, and was built in 1424 by the seventh king of Ayutthaya. As my guide book says, it was a memorial to his brothers who died as a result of a duel for the throne. If you climb up the monestary, you reach the very top landing where the temple sits, and inside, you can find a very narrow, dimly lit, steep staircase that looks as though it descends into the oblivion, or you know, to your death. Tourists went up and down a few at a time but I was absolutely petrified. They all came out with bewildered impressions, so glad they took the plunge. My friends were busy taking pictures at lower landings, so I was the only one up there having a near panic attack. Not only was it a terribly steep staircase, accompanied with brass railings that any slippery hand can easily let go of, but there was one way in and one way out of the crypt that laid below. So, not only did I have to make my way down these terrifying steep steps, but I also had to climb my way out. My toes are going numb as I replay the images in my head. I chatted with a group of Swedish tourists who said it was definitely worth it and I should conquer my fears and just go for it - they were sweet. Maya and Ryan eventually made their way up and without hesitation just went for it, but I couldn't follow them. When they came back up and told me how cool the crypt was down below, I could hear my dad's voice in my head (as I often do when I'm unsure of situations or scared) - "What are you scared of? If everyone else can do it, so can you!" Now in retrospect, I think if he actually saw this nauseating, claustrophobic space, he probably would have told me to forget it. But in any case, I knew I would regret it if I didn't, and how often would I get a chance to come back here? Ryan said he would go first to make sure I didn't fall, but I wanted to conquer this by myself. (I really need to add pictures to this blog asap.) When he saw my hands shaking as I reached for the railing, he told me later that he almost stopped me from going, but I'm glad he didn't. I made my way down the stairs - literally one step at a time - as I nearly cried from the humidity/exhaustion/nervousness. I eventually made it down to the bottom, and I'm so glad I did. The crypt was absolutely beautiful with the most stunning artwork along the walls - I have no idea how they did it. It was truly an incredible sight, as narrow and small as it was, but I was able to crawl into the crypt actually and stand up to see the art along the walls. I'm not entirely sure if I was allowed to do that but...whatever. It was SUCH a cool experience and I can't wait to post pictures.

The other temple I wanted to mention really quickly was Wat Phra Sri Sanphet. Before we got to the temple, we stopped by a market on the way, which was a complete maze. Since it's the rainy season, they've basically created a huge network of stalls with food and trinkets for tourists, all canopied over in beautiful tarp. You have sizzling foods that add a spicy aroma to the bazaar, in addition to the sweet scents of mango, sugar, syrup, and countless other delicious foods. We all tried a bunch of different kinds of food, none of which I really remember the names of, but I really admired the way they were cooked in such tight quarters. I stopped to get a present for a friend that I know is going to perfect for her (I love when I have those moments). While the artist was working on it, Katie stopped by to let me know everyone was going to go ahead to one of the temples beyond the bazaar, which was fine with me...until I realized how long the artist was taking and how much distance was accumulating between me and my group. After he was done with the gift, I tried to find my way out of this crazy labyrinth of stalls, none of which were pointing the right direction. The stuffy air started suffocating me, and not being able to see sunlight wasn't helpful either. I eventually got out of the maze, but on the wrong side from the temples - which meant I had to go back in and try to find my way to the other side. Panic mode was starting to set in. Remember that scene from Moulin Rouge where Nicole Kidman is spinning around and sees a million colors all blurred together, and eventually passes out? I was getting there. I began reciting the mul mantra in my head, hoping and praying that I would find my friends among this chaotic and neverending parade of tourists and locals - all of this for that for one gift. Just when I was starting to lose hope and my heart was beating out of my chest, I decided to turn around to at least try to find our driver. I emerged out of the canopy of colors to find Maya, who appeared out of nowhere, having come back for me, knowing that I would never be able to find the group again, let alone the right temple.

I don't think I have ever believed in God more than I did in that moment she appeared, staring right at me, as if just waiting for me to get there. I'm not an enthusiastically religious person, but it was quite a poetic moment.

We visited more temples and got a few great pictures, including this one below: our version of the three wise monkeys at Wat Phra Sri Sanphet.

After spending nearly the entire day at the temples in Ayutthaya, we took our cab back to Bangkok. On the way, we saw the city light up for the Queen's birthday/Mother's Day. The royal family here is quite revered, and we were advised to not really talk about any of them in public, since it might land us in jail. Nonetheless, the city lights in celebration were gorgeous.

When we got back, we all (plus Sonia) ended up going back to the same place Vanessa and I went the night before - a restaurant/bar down the road from our hotel called Cheers. As we ate, we noticed an odd threesome in the corner - an old man, a young girl (maybe around 18-20 years old), and what appeared to be the girl's mother. The trio was incredibly quiet, hardly saying anything, and the girl just continued getting drinks at the bar and bringing them back to the table. Vanessa informed us that the mother could be there to "supervise" as in, make sure the old fart of a perv that her daughter is about to make nice with is willing to pay enough. Something like that.

We ended our evening with the most amazing banana pancakes at Cheers - I don't even like bananas but now I know exactly what Jack Johnson is singing about. They're definitely the best pancakes I've ever had EVER, and I can't wait to go back and get more!

Okay, done with Sunday (which I ended up finishing to write on Wednesday). Now time to catch up on more blog writing...

Thailand Day 1: "Just eat a placenta and calm down!"

As crazy as the title to this post may seem, it is actually quite relevant. Let's rewind a bit.

A few weeks ago at work we held a baby shower for Chau, the Program Officer for Central and Southeast Asia. At some point during this baby shower, the topic of Tom Cruise (or someone of equal unimportance) came up, because he wanted to eat his wife's placenta after she gave birth. Apparently, you can get a lot of nutrients and vitamins from it, and it helps with managing moods, stress levels, etc., and of course in our group there were supporters and opponents for this grossly strange idea. The discussion kept going to the point that Vanessa (the PO for Indonesia) burst out to someone on the proponent team: "Well why don't you just eat a placenta and CALM DOWN!?" You probably had to be there, but her little outburst popped into my head earlier today when I realized how important it is for me to just calm down, relax, eat some weird stuff without worrying about repercussions, and stop stressing about this trip.

Like I said in my last post, this is the first international trip I have ever taken that doesn't involve my family for any part of it. It's kind of scary to think I traveled across the world with people I've known only a few short months, but I can't even begin to describe the connections I've made with them. Yet, I'd been on edge throughout the entire flight and so far while we've been here, always making sure I have everything I need, being careful to not drink tap water, locking up my valuables, etc. because I know I'm solely responsible for looking out for myself - as any adult should be. One other thing that bugs me out is that for once, I'm in a country where I have no clue how to speak or understand the native dialect. When in America, India, Australia, and most European countries, you can bank on someone being able to understand exactly what you're saying without too much difficulty. Just something as simple as being able to say "un minuto" or "ik mint" when someone is knocking on your door and you need a minute is such a blessing. Instead, you need to rely on hand gestures, slow pronunciations, different phrasings, nodding and bowing, and basically doing whatever it takes to get your point across and just hoping that the person on the other side gets it. As much as it might stress me out though, it challenges me, and I love a good challenge. There's something about being in a completely foreign place that really shows you what you're made of. But in any case, even without the international travel context, I still always find it very difficult to relax and put my mind at ease, no matter where I am or what I'm doing, I just can't sit still...my heart is always beating at its resting heart rate of 90bpm/mph and I don't see it slowing down anytime soon, which brings us to today.

Even after going to sleep last night around 3:30am local time here (our flight got in around 10:30pm and by the time we got to the hotel it was around midnight, then showering, unpacking, etc...) I still woke up this morning around 8am without an alarm. That's my problem - even on vacations, all I want to do is wake up, seize the day, make the most of it, and never spend one minute sitting around in the hotel and being dull (unless it's when I'm exhausted in bed and updating my blog in the middle of the night). So I got out of bed, checked my email, responded to a few messages, then got calls from Vanessa and Maya (the PO for South Asia and the Middle East). Maya asked if I wanted to run across the street to 7-11 to get water and a few other things with her, which we did, and then I joined Vanessa at the gym for a morning work-out. The gym is amazing - it has pretty much every machine you would ever need, and it overlooks the outdoor pool and a gorgeous cityscape. It's located on the 9th floor, which is a little odd since there are floors for rooms both above and below (we're on the 29th floor), but it was really nice. I went for quality over quantity today (fat burning over cardio), and ran at a nice steady pace for a good 25 minutes. I'm runnning another 5k the weekend I get back to the states, but this time it's a Mud Rud (ropes course + 5k + mud) with Neetu, so I'm trying to get back in shape. I hadn't run on a tredmill in ages since I prefer running outside, but it wasn't too bad.

After our respective workouts, Vanessa and I went to get breakfast, but not before V promised she would one day do a tumbling routine for me (she used to be a gymnast back in the day and can still do some pretty amazing things, I think). We made our way downstairs to a wide variety of options, everything from American to Indian to Thai to Japanese food...you name it, and it was probably there. I had some fruit and eggs, potato wedges and chole. It was a nice mix of American-ish and Indian cuisines. Tomorrow I think I'll try something more in the Thai realm though. I love this city and the way it embraces so many other cultures - you can find any food you would ever want here, and it's all so good! I completed my meal with pineapple juice that tasted like it was literally squeezed out of a pineapple that morning, and V and I had a nice chat about books we've read and loved, particularly Asian and Asian-American literature. Although Vanessa has a quasi-latina background, her heart belongs to Asia. She's a truly incredible person - having visited over 50 countries, led volunteer projects in third world countries, backpacked around just for the hell of it, etc. We had a great conversation and now I definitely have a lot more books to read, starting with First They Killed My Father, a nonfiction account from a Cambodian girl during their genocide of the 1970s. I love learning about other cultures, particularly Asian ones. I'm so fascinated by their individual histories and cultures. I know oftentimes Asia or Africa are just perceived as these huge masses of third-world, impoverished, non-English-speaking lands, when they are SO much more! Just take India, for example - with the number of unique languages, cultures, clothes, religions, cuisines, etc. that exist in just that ONE country, you've got to realize that there is a whole world out there with hundreds of countries and cultures that are each full of ideas and experiences that we have yet to even identify, let alone understand. Clearly we had a great conversation that I'll be reflecting on throughout the rest of the trip, but this is still my first day and it wasn't even noon yet at this point.

We went up to our own rooms, checked in with Maya who had a meeting with the hotel that morning for our conference rooms, then showered and headed out for our day! Our goal today was to go to Khao Sun Road, the hotbed for tourists and backpackers and anyone who loves bargaining, beautiful clothing, and cheap trinkets. We took a cab to get there, which was safe enough (compared to what we did later) and arrived at the bazaar in about 30 minutes. On the way, we traveled along this massive bridge - on one side, you could see gorgeous, tall, beautiful buildings that highlighted the skyline of the city, and on the other side were the slums. This city has such a stark dichotomy between rich and poor, and it's so difficult for me to bear the thought of people living in houses that literally look as though they are about to tip over. In America, we have rules preventing houses from looking like that, as they're a safety hazard to their residents and others, but in much of Asia and the third world, those kind of rules just don't apply. Everything just...happens. Here's another word I'll be using a lot - seamless - but more on that later. Bangkok reminds me of India in so many ways (it's like a less chaotic version of New Delhi) which is why I'll be comparing the two so much throughout this trip - there's your warning.

Within five minutes of arriving on Khao San Road, I received my first of probably fourteen marriage proposals of the day. According to Vanessa, I'm an "anomaly" because the creepy Indian men who work in these shops hardly have the chance to see a little Indian girl, let alone be within conversation distance with her. Sucks for them, because those were only one way conversations with the back of my head. One of them even told Vanessa that I was his wife, and another asked her why she was friends with me because I'm Indian..? If I have another man ask "mujhe shaadi karoge!?"...it will not be pretty. Luckily, Maya and Vanessa were able to guide me through these crowds of prying hands and we got to explore the shops and normal vendors.

Our first main stop was lunch, where we ate delicious Thai food - I ordered vegetable Pad Thai. The restaurant was really cool in that it was open to the road, so although we sat in a restaurant, it was right off the street so we were able to continue people watching and enjoying the nice, but humid, weather. The portion of food was just perfect, and cost only about $5 for each of us, including tip. We dove into our dishes and I had the opportunity to partake in yet another riveting conversation, this time about boys and their maturity levels throughout their years in addition to how/if guys and girls can be "just friends" - reminded me of a certain high school game night conversation. While we were eating, the first of several sponanteous rain showers started, but just as soon as it hit, it left and we headed back out on the road, this time to get Thai massages.

I guess this is most accurately where the title of this blog post comes into play. I've never had a proper massage in my life (I know, shocking). I just don't like being touched by people like that. It's so awkward, and what are you even supposed to do during it!? The only way I can even get pedicures done is if I have something else I can work on/keep my mind occupied with (i.e. a cell phone) during the awkward 30 minutes it takes to clean my feet and paint my nails. (Manicures? Forget it. Won't happen unless there's a wedding or I'm graduating or something.) Using phones or any other sort of gadgets in these dim-lit, peaceful-music-playing places would be a little on the rude side, I think.

The traditional Thai massage is much different than anything I have ever experienced in my life. First, they put us in these salwaar-like pants that tied in the back - mine were bright pink - and then they asked us to lay on these mats on the floor. It was pretty much just like nap time in kindergarten. Everyone had their own cot and had to be super quiet while they massuse practically killed them. Maya had the mattress next to me, and that girl can so easily fall asleep it's not even funny. Meanwhile, I was thinking about everything I could be doing right then instead of laying still and letting someone bend my arms and legs in directions they are not meant to bend in. I'm pretty sure my massuse thought I was an alien or something. I kept opening my eyes and looking around, just to see what else was going on, but then I realized that was probably really disrespectful to the massuse, so I tried to keep my eyes shut - which just let my mind wander.To preface my insecurity with this escapade, Maya and Vanessa had prepped me with stories about how massuses sometimes give girls "happy endings" when they finish the massage, and therefore the entire time, I was anticipating the worst and how unbelievably awkward it was about to get. Again, I don't like being touched (anywhere), especially by weird people I don't even know and who don't speak my language. Luckily, nothing ended up happening, but that didn't stop my mind from racing in every possible direction during that one hour torture-fest.. And when I mean torture-fest, I actually kind of mean it, because although it feels SO good after the massage is over, the pressure points they pick to throw the entire weight of their bodies on is excruciating and sometimes even painful - but again, feels amazing. If you Google "Thai Massage Poses", you'll have an idea of what my 95-lbs body went through. I don't think I was able to even start to relax until the last ten minutes or so when she was finishing up on my neck and back...and by that point, it was over. The good news though, is that there are probably 100 of these massage parlors on every street if I want to go get another one, and a one-hour long massage only costs the equivalent of $7 USD. We got pedicures next (for about $4 USD) - but I wasn't as impressed with them as I was with my massage. Although it was mad cheap, the quality of it wasn't exactly perfect, but then again, it was $4 compared to the $20something I pay in the states, so no need to complain - I'll just get another one in a few days.

What surprises me most about these little places is how cheap the labor is here. Although the techniques they use for the procedures (eyelash tinting, teeth whitening, other unnecessary but necessary things, etc.) are the same that they use in America, the amount that they cut themselves for a profit is a very slim fraction. To think that a massuse who spent an entire hour working out the kinks in every tense bone of my body was only paid the equivalent of $7 USD, of which she makes maybe $2-3 an hour - that's horrible! That's why I implore all of you who do eventually travel to SE Asia and get these amazing services done, PLEASE TIP THEM WELL! Although giving up $5-6 USD for us isn't too much of a big deal (I can say that now - I have a salary! And that's how much I usually give in the states...?) it means the world to these people who mostly live in such terrible and heart-wrenching conditions. Yet, they still do their job, and they do it for you and for their own families. Please, please be generous - that's all I'm asking.

Another rain storm hit us while we were at the little beauty salon, but again, it came and went. We headed out again to go shopping, but not before stumbling upon these beautiful Buddhist temples. One particular scene that really struck me was how three stray dogs (so many stray animals here...) were sleeping at the foot of the temple, just relaxing, almost as if they too were meditating. It was such a nice moment, reminding me that all living creatures can still find the same solstice, peace, and acceptance in places of worship.

Anyways, SHOPPING. There are so many cute clothes, shoes, bags, earrings, scarves, keychains, necklaces, EVERYTHING...it's so hard to choose what you want! And then on top of that, it seems as though every fourth stand or so is selling the exact same thing, and you want to make sure you get the best bang for you buck (not that anything here is all that expensive anyway). I surprsingly didn't end up buying too much today - just one thing for Neerali that I saw and knew she would love (or at least I hope she does). Vanessa helped me bargain/did the bargaining for me, since I'm not that great with things like that, especially not here. I hate trying to cut someone else's profits - everyone's gotta live, plus these prices are fairly inexpensive as it is - but she's a pro and I let her do her thing. Plus, I'm sure the savings will add up. I've found a bunch of things that stand out to me that certain people would really like, but my dad warned me about checking the quality of fabrics and things and not just buying something because it's cheap - so I've been kind of picky. Plus, it was only our first day, and I know this is the first of many shopping days to come. Nevertheless, we trekked all over Khao San Road, through the little alleyways and along the main "roads". There were so many tourists and backpackers, it was insane! Bangkok is apparently the "jumping point" for people who want to travel/backpack through Southeast Asia since it's so easy to book flights and find cheap deals here. Maya and Vanessa have both experienced such a life...sigh - one day. There were also a lot of couples there too, which I thought was sweet, because you can really learn a lot about someone just by what they decide to pack in their backpack for an entire month-long extravaganza, and of course the way they can live out of it - both mentally, physically, emotionally...etc. I'm so fascinated by people who can go backpacking like that...but that's another story/adventure to look forward to.

After an exciting few hours of shopping, freaking out over fried insects, getting a few more marriage proposals, and watching my feet to make sure I didn't fall on my face or get them run over by some wheel or another, we ended up heading back to the hotel - via tuk-tuk. Tuk-tuks in Thailand are the equivalent of Rikshahs in India - those crazy little three-wheel contraptions that are somehow designed to take you from point A to point B without dying (hopefully). We were warned at our security briefing for Bangkok to NOT go on these things (among other suggestions that we have thus far ignored), but I'm Indian and these ladies are practically Asian too, soooo...we braved it and had such a fun time! It was scary at a few points but having the wind in your hair while weaving in and out of traffic is such a thrill, and I got a few good pictures out of it too. Again, the word seamless comes to mind. The way traffic can move so fluidly here without crazy honking horns, people texting away on their phones, crashing into things, etc...it's incredible. They hardly have traffic lights or even lanes on the roads, and yet the community can function so harmoniously. And yet when I look at the states and think about the traffic signals, yield signs, speed limit postings, construction warnings, etc...HOW much easier can it get for us? Just follow the damn signs, people.

When we thankfully made it back to the hotel, Maya turned in for the night, but Vanessa and I refreshed then headed out for dinner and drinks just down the street from the hotel. We had another great conversation about our lives, things we've been through, and what to look forward to, both in work and otherwise. She's a great person to talk to who's been through a lot, and I can't wait to hear what else she has to share with me. Funny enough, during Vanessa's first week back at the Red Cross (although I interviewed with her twice, she was in Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, and Indonesia when I first started, so I didn't see her until maybe a month into my internship) we went to lunch and I randomly told her about how I really wanted to visit Thailand one day, and of course she told me all about it. She went on and on about Khao San Road, the rooftop bars she hung out at, how she lived in Bangkok for two years, etc. and I knew that if I ever had the chance to go in my life, I would definitely be looking her up for suggestions. To think that I'm actually here WITH HER right now, just two months after that conversation, is incredible. I honestly feel so lucky to be where I am right now, and I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. The people I work with are truly amazing, inspiring, and passionate people, and I'm so thankful for this opportunity. The more I get to know them, the more I learn more about myself - my strengths, my weaknesses, etc. - and evaluate my actions and thoughts on a different level, AND the more comfortable I can feel in my own skin, the closer I am to finally relaxing my mind and being able to get through a Thai massage peacefully.

I should probably head to sleep now considering it's about 3am local time here and I have a wake-up call for 7:30am. The plan for tomorrow is to go to the gym, shower, and then take a train out to the old city, rent bicycles, and check out all the ancient temples there. I'm so excited! Tomorrow evening the other delegates and people start arriving, and after that it's all business...kind of.

New Thai vocabulary: "kab kun ka"
Translation: "Thank you" - always a great phrase to know. :)

Good night, friends. Kab kun ka for reading!

Thailand: Pre-Travel Jitters

Reading over my posts from my last trip to Australia, I can't believe it was only 7 months ago! It seems like an entire lifetime away. I still love my family to death, but I've definitely gotten over any withdrawal symptoms or whatever I was complaining about in my last post. So much has changed and I'm in such a different place than I was back then...

I graduated from GW in May and I now work for the American Red Cross as a Program Assistant in their International Services Department, specifically working with programming in the Asia/Middle East/Europe region. I spent the summer doing a paid internship with them at their National Headquarters in DC and was recently offered a job! My team is heading off to Bangkok in a little over a day for a project management training and regional meetings, and I'm so nervous! We have delegates all over the field, and they're all coming to meet us in Bangkok. I've been helping to plan this meeting for the past few weeks, so I'm also nervous/excited to see how it all comes together. I'll be meeting a ton of new people, on foreign ground, and without a family member in sight. It'll be a totally new experience, and as nervous as I am, I'm also super excited and can't wait to go! I just hope I remember to pack everything. The people I'm going with are much older than me and such pros when it comes to international travel and I'm a complete noob. I just hope I can play it cool and not make a fool out of myself (as if that's ever possible).

In any case, I'm going to try my best to update this blog as much as I can while I'm there - hopefully keeping my posts shorter than I did last time. At some point this year (before December 31, 2012 - I promise), I will finish updating the entire blog, complete with pictures and everything from both Australia and Thailand. I went through and added a bunch of pictures to my Australia posts, but I still have a bunch to go.

I've got a ton of packing left (I also need to pack up my apartment since my lease expires while I'm abroad) - so much to do, so little time! We'll see how it goes! :)

Australia Part 2: "Never in a million years..." (The Wedding)

Holy CRAP do I have a lot of homework to catch up on.

But, regardless of all that, I wanted to take a few minutes to jot down a few thoughts about my second trip to Australia before my mind fills with sonnets and poems and literature and God knows what else.

First of all, my parents are SO awesome for letting me come back for Kamal's wedding. I never in a million years thought they would actually let me do such a thing, what with traveling across the world alone and all, but they actually did! I also have to give a bit of credit to my brother, cousins, aunts and uncles who helped the cause as well! To be completely honest, if I didn't have all these pictures, I wouldn't even believe I went - I would have thought it was all just a dream. Next time I should really strap a video camera to my head so I can keep reliving the weekend (haha just kidding, I'm not that crazy). Neerali called me yesterday to briefly ask how the trip was and if I was glad I went, to which I responded without hesitation: "Absolutely, ONE MILLION percent, completely happy I went back." I can't even imagine what it would have been like to not go. I have to say that it was hands down one of the best weekends of my life, and here's why:

I'm going to try to do a quick run-down of each day, but I'll probably come back to this later and fill in the gaps.

I arrived in Coffs Harbour on Thursday around 1pm where Simmi and my parents picked me up from the airport. I gave Simmi a HUGE hug because I was so unbelievably happy to see her! I still couldn't believe I had actually made it out there - it was too unreal. Despite my lack of sleep, I was so hyper and completely bouncing off the walls. When we got back to the house, it was COMPLETELY different from how I left it. (Well, despite the fact that Simmi and Harman were both wearing the exact same clothes they were wearing when I left the first time - made me feel like I hadn't even left at all!) When I left the first time though, everything was pretty quiet and there weren't too many people around, but when I arrived, there were at least 50 people there who I didn't even know, let alone all the other people that I did know, and despite the fact that I smelled like plane and desperately needed a shower, I quickly made my way around for all the Sat Siri Akals and half-hugs and hellos. I also met Kamal as I was trekking up the driveway which was so nice because I kept thinking I wasn't going to be seeing much of her since it was her wedding after all and I knew how busy she must be. In any case, I finally made my way to my parents' room (actually Harman's room that my parents took over) to drop off my luggage and shower. Even though I would be bunking with Simmi and Kamal (how ridiculous are they for letting another person live in their room during such a crazy time!? I don't even know. I would've been perfectly fine sleeping on the ground outside the house with the snakes, but they're all WAY too generous and hospitable for that) I left my things in their room so I wouldn't crowd up the girls' room. While I was talking to my mom and trying to catch my breath from all the excitement, Harman walked in! Not to see me or anything, but just to grab a t-shirt because he didn't miss me at all.

After showering and getting ready super quick, I joined the girls to go decorate the hall for Kamal's Ladies' Sangeet which was to take place later that night. We decorated the room with purple tablecloths plus yellow and purple balloons. It looked so nice! I love that color combination (mainly because it contains purple). Side note: I think I want my wedding colors to be purple and gold like my cousin Gurleen's was in Vancouver. Just saying. Anyways...we blew up balloons, tied them to the centerpieces, and set up the tables. Decorating and blowing up balloons is so up my alley from all the work I do here on ISA board. When we were almost finished, we realized we ran out of tablecloths and went to get more supplies for the hall. I never knew tablecloths were so expensive! But they're definitely not cheap. We headed back to the hall and were joined by Harman and some of the boys and we quickly finished up all the decorations.

We headed back to the house to get dolled up, dressed, and ready for the Sangeet. Sim and I ended up making a bunch of trips back and forth to pick up people and drop them off, as well as to run random errands, which I didn't mind doing at all. I love car rides in Coffs Harbour!

Okay I'm bored with my own writing. I can go on and on and talk about the beautiful Sangeet and all the other parties and traditions and customs, but I can't keep writing out this timeline!

As much as I loved literally every single SECOND of my (first and) second trip, I'm not a newspaper so there's really no need for me to report all the facts of what happened when and whatever. The pictures speak enough for all that. I want to talk about something else, but first, just a brief recap of my favorite moments from the weekend (in no particular order, except the first and last ones):

Simmi's hug at the airport. Bare feet. Baby Reet and Diya. Tattoo talk/drawings. Sneaking out for KFC. "Mackers". Ice cream from Wendy's. Cadbury Koala bear. Shopping for "earache medicine". High heels that were no help/did nothing. Being the shortest person in the history of the Sohi family. Violent scissor battle. Delicious cake at morning tea. Saving the world's best burfi from the trashcan. "What do you mean you're not 'part of the bridal party'?!?!" Helium tank. Family tree/diagram. All the "bad luck" - jago dropping, flour spilling, bangle misordering. Purple and yellow, red and gold. Harman making the entire Gurdwara cry. Pointless conversations till 3am. Gemini and Taurus, S and H. Piggyback rides. Bunking with the bride. Staking the fridge with drinks. Harman admitting that he actually read my blog. Certain cousins being the biggest picture-whores on the planet. Simmi's and my "favorite person". Avatar Chachaji: "Harman, go get your sister some water"...comes back with water for everyone except me. Driving by the mirror at the hotel/resort. Reet playing with my bracelets. Almost getting tossed off the balcony. Sleeping at 3am, waking up at 3:15am. Best milkshake ever. Ferrero Rocher chocolate. Borrowing Simmi's super snuggly jumper. Video of Tajinder Taiaji sleeping. "Leen, wanna go for a drive!?" Pink/salmon shirt. Simmi's bleeding ears. Earring-inserting techniques. Vici's favorite life moments and our heart-to-heart. "Reserved for the Sohi Family." Harman coming back from Brisbane. Grocery trolleys. Harman completely stopping the car every time I wanted to take a picture. "I'm sexy and I know it." Raspberry lemonade. Late-night question games. Simmi jumping the fence so we could sneak into the hot tub. Nearly drowning in the ten-feet deep pool. Harman standing in the ten-feet deep pool. Blue shirt with the babies. Monster snake chillin in the middle of the road. Sitting in the bride and groom chairs. Either never finding my own shoes to wear, or going without wearing any. Powerade addictions. Hair and make-up before the sun was up. Driving around in the Audis, the Pajaro, and my personal favorite - the stick-shift pick-up truck. Photo booth. Amazing music. Swimming in the rain. Swerving on the street to find kangaroos. Spiked cokes and orange soda. "Nugget." Harman's hug at the airport.

I know that might not seem like a lot, and I know there are a million more, but I really wish I could just freeze each of those moments, minus the snake ones.

In any case, the memories from the pictures will last forever, but I wanted to make sure I got a chance to at least attempt to write down how I felt while I was there. I feel like my friends here in the states think I'm obsessed with my cousins or something because I never stop talking about them and how I want to go back, but the truth is, that I actually am kind of crazy about them. Throughout the entire wedding, and even during my first trip, I can't even begin to describe how absolutely amazing they made me feel while I was there, and how much I admire them. This past year has been incredibly rough, without a doubt one of the craziest most stressful, heart-breaking years of my life with the worst emotional turmoil quite possibly ever, and yet they made this trip for me such a welcoming, refreshing, breath of fresh air. I would never in a million years want to go through what I went through again, but if it means I get to see them at the end of the year, I'd at least consider it. Even though Kamal was getting married, and I have had hardly known these guys for two weeks now (I literally met them two weeks ago), I was more involved and included in their wedding than I've ever felt with anyone else, including cousins that I've known my entire life who live within just a few miles of me! How is that even possible??

When I thought about coming back for the wedding, I figured I would be sitting on the sidelines, observing from a distance, enjoying the great food and company. I thought surely I'd feel at least a LITTLE bit neglected, considering how much attention they gave Suny and me during my first trip - there was no way they could do that again. I thought that hopefully feeling left out might even help me get over them so I won't miss them as much when I had to leave. Again.

And, I was wrong of course.

On one of the nights before the wedding, I don't even know how this came up (I think it was while Harman was asking me why I never wore the right color for the right day - colors I had no idea about). But in any case, I was talking with him and mentioned how given that I've only known the family for such a short amount of time, I didn't really consider myself part of the bridal party or a person who had any sort of role, whether big or small, in the actual progression of the wedding. I was more of a spectator or bystander of sorts, admiring from afar. That didn't settle too well with him. I think that might have actually been the first time he got seriously mad at me! (I was a little scared, I have to admit, now that I'm back here all safe and sound.) He reassured me that that wasn't the case at all, that I should be like Simmi's shadow, the way Simmi is Kamal's shadow, or to just be Kamal's shadow. His point was the same that everyone else had been saying and I wasn't hearing - that they wanted me to actually be part of the wedding, because I am their sister. Whatever they do, I do. After that talk, I felt a million times better than my already energetic and high-as-the-sky self that takes shape when I'm in Australia.

Actually getting to be a person in the wedding was so much fun and so amazing. I never in a million years thought I would be one of the sisters holding the ribbon to prevent Sukhie from entering the Gurdwara, or that I would get a shoutout during Simmi's speech at the reception (still a little shocked at that), or that I would get to share a bed with Kamal the night before her wedding. It's so easy for a bystander to get lost in the craziness of a wedding (I can't even count the number of times it's happened to me) but they've definitely showed me the right way to treat every single person at my own wedding or any wedding I'm a part of - with love and respect, as though I really really want them to be there.

I honestly feel closer to these kids than I've felt with my first cousins (with the exception of Neetu of course), and I found myself once again longing to stay back. The truth is, I don't just want to be a person in their wedding, but I just want to be a person in their lives. I want to go for late-night drives, nearly get eaten by snakes, and trek up the monster steep driveway. I want to learn what the heck Rugby is about and why the players have to wear their socks over their shoes, and maybe even go to one of Harman's matches, or games or whatever they're called. I want to be there for Simmi and pick at her brain about history or math or boys or life or anything else she wants to talk about. I want to help her put her earrings in so they don't bleed her ears to death and help her memorize all those math formulas she's got posted on her shower door (sorry, Sims, I had to out your secret). It breaks my heart being so far away when all I want to do is be able to put my shoes on while sitting on the questionable bench Harman made, or wake up to the amazing view from Simmi's balcony next to the best roommate ever, or go to the farm and pluck blueberries right off the vine and eat them. I can't even so much as look at blueberries here in the states without my stomach churning.

I'm facing some major Australia Withdrawal Syndrome right now. I keep telling myself that things would be different if I was still there, that Simmi and Harman will be starting school and it won't be all fun and games anymore, but that's not even what it's about. It's not even the places we went to, or what was happening, or what we did that I miss - it's the people. It's my cousins. It's the feeling that I know I could probably be just about anywhere in the world with these people and still have the same unforgettable memories and know that they could put a smile on my face at any given moment simply by being in their company. They really do have a gift, and it's hard for me to think of ever getting sick of them. My favorite parts of my trip would have to be when one of my cousins would call out to me: "Leen! Wanna go for a drive!?" and I couldn't wait to go wherever we were going, even if it was just to the gas station. All the driving around really allowed me to spend some quality time with them, see the city, and get a breath of air from the house. Regardless of how much I think of myself as some missing puzzle piece and Australia being the unfinished puzzle, I have to be positive and live in my moment - here and now.

At this point in my life, I don't really know where I'm headed after graduation. I'm thinking about going for my Masters, and the more I think about a Masters degree from an Australian university, the more I'm liking the idea. My dad's only stipulation was that he wants me to go to a school that's better than GWU for my Masters, and after a bit of research, that is quite possible, considering Australia has some amazing schools that are in the top 100 of the world. Granted, I won't be in Coffs Harbour, but I'll still be close, and God knows I need a change of scenery. Now the only problem is actually getting into them.

I keep telling myself that each day that goes by is one day closer to seeing them again or going back to Australia again, right? So I should just make the most of each of my days until then so that when I do get to go back or I do get to see them, I'll at least have made some sort of progress in my life instead of being so sad. Which I'm not. My friends have helped a lot with that. Last week on the night before I left for the wedding, Neerali came over to listen to my stories about my first trip and I remember telling her how unreal this all is and how a week from that moment, I would be back there sitting with her and telling her stories and my second trip to Australia would all be over. It's been a few days since I got back, but she came over again earlier today, and we were really astonished at how fast time goes by and how much can happen in such a short time frame. The thing is that time goes by whether we like it or not - it's a constant measurement that'll keep moving regardless of where our heads or our hearts are. We've just got to keep going with it, because before we know it, those events that we so long await will be here, and then they'll be over. That doesn't mean I should stop living while I wait for them to get here, it just means I've got something worth living for and worth looking forward to.

And hey, if nothing else, now at least I actually know that I have some of the best cousins in the entire world. They might be all the way across that world, but they're also only a Skype call or Facebook message away. To my cousins and my family overseas - thank you all for such a truly incredible, worthwhile, and unforgettable time. You guys really know what it means to be a family, and I am so thankful to be a part of it. I love you guys.

Until next time,

<3

Day 12: Life Lessons

9:30pm (EST)

Today I learned, that if you cry and moan and complain and whine and hate the world enough, you still won't get what you want in life.

But, if your parents love you enough and want to see you happy...you just might.

I'M HEADING BACK DOWN UNDER FOR KAMAL'S WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have never been so excited in my entire life. :) :) :)

THIS is how good I feel right now. Plus about a million trillion thousand billion.